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by Arthur Hopkins

Genre: Comedy
Format of Original Source: Play
Recommended Adaptation Length:

Candidate for Adaptation? Not Reviewed


REVENUE. Yes. Now that you’re willing to kill me, the problem is solved.

LUKE. Why, what d’ye want to commit suicide fer?

REVENUE. I just want to stop living, that’s all.

LUKE. Well, yu must have a reason.

REVENUE. No special reason–I find life dull and I’d like to get out of it.

LUKE. Dull?

REVENUE. Yes–I hate to go to bed–I hate to get up–I don’t care for food–I can’t drink liquor–I find people either malicious or dull–I see by the fate of my acquaintances, both men and women, that love is a farce. I have seen fame and preference come to those who least deserved them, while the whole world kicked and cuffed the worthy ones. The craftier schemer gets the most money and glory, while the fair-minded dealer is humiliated in the bankruptcy court. In the name of the law every crime is committed; in the name of religion every vice is indulged; in the name of education greatest ignorance is rampant.

LUKE. I don’t git all of that, but I reckon you’re some put out.

REVENUE. I am. The world’s a failure … what’s more, it’s a farce. I don’t like it but I can’t change it, so I’m just aching for a chance to get out of it…. [Approaching LUKE.] And you, my dear friend, are going to present me the opportunity.

LUKE. Yes, I reckon you’ll get your wish now.

REVENUE. Good … if you only knew how I’ve tried to get killed.

LUKE. Well, why didn’t you kill yerself?

REVENUE. I was afraid.

LUKE. Afreed o’ what–hurtin’ yourself?

REVENUE. No, afraid of the consequences.

LUKE. Whad d’ye mean?


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