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The Philosopher Of Butterbiggens

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The Philosopher Of Butterbiggens

by Harold Chapin

Genre: Comedy
Setting: England
Format of Original Source: Play
Recommended Adaptation Length:

Candidate for Adaptation? Not Reviewed


(She breaks off in alarm as her father opens his mouth preparatory to another yell, which however he postpones to speak to JOHN.)

DAVID. Ye mind whit I was saying aboot the dispensation o’ Providence to help weans till they could try for theirselves, John?

JOHN. Aye.

DAVID. Did it no’ occur to ye then that there ought to be some sort of dispensation to look after the auld yins who were past it?


DAVID. Aweel–it didna occur to me at the time–(and he lets off another prolonged wail).

LIZZIE (going to him). Shsh! Feyther! The neighbors will hear ye!!!

DAVID (desisting as before). I ken fine; I’m no’ at the back of the hoose. (Shorter wail.)

LIZZIE (almost in tears). They’ll be coming to ask.

DAVID. Let them. They’ll no’ask me. (Squall.)

LIZZIE. Feyther–ye’re no’behaving well. John–

JOHN. Aye?

LIZZIE (helplessly). Naething–feyther, stop it. They’ll think ye’re clean daft.


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